The only realistic way Bruno and or Schmuel would live
by White rose of the Desert
Summary: Some spoilers for the end of the movie. Mostly CRACK!FIC intentionally bad. NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY WARNING RATED FOR LANGUAGE. How do Schmuel and Bruno survive the camp? Only one way and it's too ridiculous for words.


**This is purely done as a joke. I found a few stories where Bruno and Schmuel survive the war and then a friend of mine and I were talking about what the most insane random method could be and out popped this . I want it on record, I appreciate the seriousness of the Holocaust. My mother has studied it all my life and started teaching me about it when I was 5. I absolutely loved the movie Boy in the Striped Pajamas. This was mostly done on a dare and NOT BY ANY MEANS MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Also be forewarned, mild language. DG I hold you responsible for this.**

Cest La Vie,

En Rose };~

* * *

Schmuel was upset. First he was thrown into this awful place with nothing to do at all but sit by the fence for hours and hours on end with none of the ruthless evil guards noticing him. He was just beaten half to death after being betrayed by his best friend but that didn't bother him in the least. What was bothering him was his father was not seen. Even though Schmuel spent none of his time with his father and there were too many people in anyone cabin keep track of anyone, a magic antennae aliens had implanted the night before into his brain told him his father was in trouble. Bruno came as soon as he could in his weird boy shorts that had to be invented by some sick pervert. He looked really guilty that his lying ass had nearly gotten Schmuel beaten to death by the same bastard he had seen beat a grown man senseless just a week earlier.

Bruno tried to apologize but Schmuel was too upset by the fact that he didn't have a milk carton to put his fathers face on to bother being angry with the useless German boy who had an impeccably perfect British accent. With a few words and some frantic gestures, Schmuel explained his situation as cryptically as possible. Bruno was willing to do anything for his friend though because deep down he was really a sweet kid. The pair hit upon the idea to dig a hole under the fence so Bruno could sneak in even though it never occurred to the pair to sneak Schmuel out and dress him in Bruno's clothes, thereby saving his life. They very quickly put a transparent disguise on Bruno and the pair headed through the camp where Bruno found out what a terrible place the concentration camp was.

The pair were suddenly swept up in a tide of men being herded to the 'showers' that was actually a gas chamber, which most of them knew by that time. Even though Bruno had no idea what was going on he became frightened and took Schmuel by the hand. The Jewish boy was just as comforted and squeezed Bruno's hand. Just before the pair were lead into the gas chamber and certain death, a unicorn that ate rainbows and shit gold jumped over the giant fence with Captain Planet on his back. The unicorn ran to the gas chamber and pushed the door closed, scattering its valuable mineral meadow muffins left and right. When the greedy nazi bastards saw the gold on the ground they scrambled over to pick up as much as they could. Captain Planet swung off his gilded feculence factory and bashed them in the head and dead panned bad puns. A slew of magic carpets came and Schmuel and Bruno climbed onto one carpet as it flew away behind another carpet that picked up Schmuel s father from the alien mother ship. Captain Planet jumped back on his noble steed as it took one last shit before springing in the air and landing on the Nazi tyrant. The unicorn speared him in his heartless chest while Captain Planet bashed in his empty skull with his frying pan.

Schmuel and Bruno cheered them on and still holding hands the best friends flew off into the sunset and happier lives. Any other ending would result in Bruno being killed as a traitor and Schmuel executed in the concentration camps

* * *

**You may now proceed to kill me.**

Cest La Vie,

En Rose };~


End file.
